After yet another sleepless night, due to my own stupidity recently it hit me. It hit me that as a young adult, (actually being in my mid twenties, I don’t really count as a young adult anymore, do I? 🙈😱) I ought to get responsible enough to be able to lose some responsibility (I’ll explain in a bit).
See, I am addicted to the Internet. I grew up in the age of the Internet gaining in popularity, the age of social media becoming multimillion dollar business, the age of hashtags and selfies becoming a thing. And most of all, in the last 15 years mobile devices becoming a part of every day life, from a blackberry in the hand, to an android in the backpack or an iPad on the lap, everyone we see has a mobile device on them. My work is almost entirely run on my cell phone, from all my advertising, my clients contacting me and me contacting vendors. Although I prefer to only work in the “office” because it’s much easier to do admin there, it’s no surprise that in the modern age we live in, people want service now and don’t really care much for your “business hours”, more so though as I’m working in the recreation industry (in no way is this a complaint, just stating facts) that I have clients calling and texting me out of hours. Add to this that although my parents grew up without mobile tech, they raised me having mobile tech. They lived in safer times. Today’s world,sad as it may be, is not a safe place. So on the same note, my wonderful loving parentals kind of do a freak out if I’m not attached to my phone and answering them whenever I am out of their sight. And the last nail in the figurative coffin is that I am constantly trying to maintain social contacts, from my clients who I’m not exactly friends but more acquaintances with, to my cousins, or my friends living in far away countries in different time zones.
What is the result to me of this “constant connection “? Honestly? I’m getting lonely as all heck craving more human interaction , I’m frustrated by constantly being interrupted, I’m battling to sleep because I’m keeping phones and tablets at my bedside. My skin is becoming “geeky pasty” from too much time indoors, and I swear I’ve been behind a screen so much that I need glasses now! And all along the desire to just go radio silent is becoming so much more intense! It got to such a stage that a couple of days ago at 4:30am when I realized I had not slept at all because I was on the inter-(vortex)-net all night that if I slept now, I would miss my 6am appointment for sure, that I actually got up, got dressed, turned off all my tech, picked up my car keys, and then sat to think of where I would go. I considered googling escapes, perhaps checking out some pristine spots with no signal on Pinterest, or maybe tweet out and ask my followers. I didn’t do any of that. Rather I decided to get back into pjs and try catch 1hr30 sleep for the busy day ahead. Yes, ludicrous and a severe addiction going on here. It doesn’t help that for a few days already it’s started becoming a nasty, vicious cycle of late nights, later mornings,and then even later nights. The times that I’m actually up and out of bed (like between 11am &10pm) are more like a dream zone than an actual useful, productive day. I’m like a freakin Internet zombie. Uninspired and void of motivation to do anything useful. I get out of bed with my phone in hand and move to the pic for the day.
I actually physically, mentally and emotionally am longing for a relief from this. If I could just become responsible enough to sort out my business and make it be only on particular days, I could get a second phone, one that only has my parents (and boyfriend if I ever had a life off of the internet long enough to have an actual relationship) as contacts and then actually leave my work phone, and tablet at work, or off for the off times. This is where I say, “if I could be responsible enough to lose my responsibility”, if I had this option available, I could maybe, just maybe actually go on holiday. A real holiday with no wifi, no cell reception and only a camera, or not even a camera. At this point I would volunteer to be on survivor if I could just be away from all gadgets, forget the prize money.
Is it wrong that I long for load shedding? Perhaps I could finally get to redecorating my bedroom, or doing the garden, or washing my car, if only the Internet would go down for a day!